This week I have been challenged to let go of my resistance to the ways of the world. I became aware that much of my thinking of late has been wishing things were different. Mainly I have been lamenting how little sunlight we get in the winter. Wishing for longer days and time to travel. To have time for more culture in my life, more adventure and the aspects of my life that have dwindled as the lives of my children have bloomed. I am mindful that I have a beautiful life and very little to be critical of, but my thinking had taken me away from the moment and to a world where I was resistant and annoyed by the reality of daily life.
I was reminded once again to surrender to the moment and become mindful of my thinking, and that it was merely my thinking that was causing me distress and nothing else. My wishing for something different had me leave the moment and resent what it had to offer. I was faced again with the belief of "not enough" and there is something "more" out there. This state often leads me on an endless quest to find out what that "more" is. "More" usually ends up costing "more" and taking up "more" time and perpetuating a tail chasing pattern of searching but never finding. Leaving me feeling "more" drained and "more" tired than ever before.
As I swirled in this unforgiving state of wanting to change what was, I became aware of how much of my energy had been consumed by the alternate reality I was creating in my mind. How all the players of my life could change just a little bit to make me happier, how some players could leave all together, how life in a different climate would suite me better and so on as the mind goes. It occurred to me all of a sudden, that I could accept all of it. What if I tried anyway? All the parts I was hating and fighting against, just let them be. In a gracious sigh I let out all the resistance I had been harbouring and chose for that moment to accept it all. Perhaps this was all life was to offer me in that moment. To sit and allow. To release the mental construct of how things could be different.
As I breathed in the moment, an interesting phenomena happened. I was challenged by some peculiar thoughts. It was like the Ego knew I was up to something and wanted to throw me a curve ball. "So you want to accept now do you?" it taunted. "How about some dark ugly thoughts you have stored away about old friends who have moved on from your life. Let's see how you allow these?" Flustered a bit by this unexpected turn of events, I chose to allow the painful thoughts to emerge and allow myself for that moment to feel the hatred that I had buried under the justifications I had leant to my old friend's behaviour. I have a belief that I am a "nice" person and feelings of hatred don't normally fit into that box. Normally, I would have pushed away such a thought and found reason for the people I had loved to leave my life. This moment was different, as I trusted that these feelings would emerge and have free passage thru. As I committed to allow what was, this thought visited and graciously left in due course. I was not trapped in a state of hatred, but released from it. Perhaps releasing some of the feelings that I had of "not been enough" at that time.
What resulted in the end was a gracious return to the moment and the peace that I can find there. The striving, challenging and annoyance was replaced with a simple joy of being where I was, doing what needed to be done. My mind no longer consumed with the endless chatter of what needs to be fixed, how my life would be better if my walls in the basement were drywalled, if only the sun would shine more. etc, etc, etc. I felt contained and all the parts of me housed with in my body. Invisible aspects of me came home from their quests to occupy my mind and "fix" the world around me. The tail was no longer wagging the dog and I was free to simply chop vegetables without a care in the world.
I invite you to take some time to visit your thoughts and identify the areas of resistance in your life. Become clear on the aspects of your life that you want to change. Remember this is not an exercise in giving up, but one of surrender. To embrace what is in your life, to allow and trust its natural unfolding, rather than push, fix or escape. To take time to stop looking for more, breathe and open the space to what is. To perhaps consider taking a moment to look within and listen to the thoughts and feelings that are driving you out of the moment and making your life unbearable.
1. Identifying what is bothering you.
2. Look at what is bothering you deeply and feel how its presence in your life makes you feel.
3. Ask yourself how you feel when you think these thoughts? What actions does this thought make you want to take?
4. Is this a state you enjoy, and how long have you been feeling this way?
5. Could today be the day you change how you feel, by changing your thoughts?
6. Allow what is bothering you to be. Imagine if this is the way things are going to be, am I going to choose to be at peace with it or keep fighting it?
7. Moment, by moment let it be and allow it to unfold naturally.
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Kim McCrimmon B.A., M.E.des teaches wellness and self care practices, and is a Healing Touch practitioner. Is it time for you to get Unbusy On Purpose?
Getting unbusy on purpose has been a process. I'm here to share some of what I have learned and the tales of its making.
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