But it seems in all of my younger years questing after the exotic and glamorous, my heart was left empty. I had collected thousands of unique, funny and lavish stories to entertain all who would listen, but found my life devoid of the love I wanted or any kind of real meaning. I was educated, travelled, published and well regarded in my profession. I won awards, spoke at conferences and was part of a team that raised millions of dollars. I collected new experiences the way some women go shopping. I changed jobs frequently and changed my look regularly with the fervour of someone desperately seeking to stay relevant.
All the while, I remained single and could not attract anyone to share in this high drama life I had chosen. It seems that in the quest for glamorous, I had left little room for ordinary. It seems I had cast such shame on ordinary that I kept it far from my doorstep. The irony I would discover was the meaning and purpose I was looking for, was neatly hidden in the folds of ordinary. The children I wanted were at long reach behind, finding love, having a home and getting down to taking care of myself in a way that would allow for a stable existence. There were routines to make, bills to pay, jobs to keep, banking to do and a professional network of support to kraft.
I had to let ordinary creep into my life and trust that the allure of glamour would still influence my life in more stable ways. To let go of the veneer that had protected me so long from the vulnerability of being loved for me as I was. To unpin the masks of sensational, and exceptional that I thought were so well built that no one could see my loneliness. I had come to see how I had built a fortress around me that had no space for ordinary and I was the last one to see it.
As I have let go of my hatred for this word and the shame I felt for life lived in this realm, I have come to create space for all sorts of other treasures like inner peace, self confidence, genuine love and creativity. There is not so much glamour now, and funnily enough there never really was. I was young, full of dreams and just had my ladder up the wrong tree. I thank my dear husband for much of this guidance, as he has loved me steadfastly for who I am. Never wanting me to be more than what I can offer. He has been a gentle and sometimes harsh mirror of my spirit calling me to settle down and create a stable life that paves the way to the sustainable existence I have longed for. To still the beast that was always wanting more and to cultivate the space to just be.
How to let ordinary into your life:
1. Become aware of the words you associate with ordinary? Realize ordinary is a subjective term. This is an exercise to get to know your definition of ordinary.
2. Ask yourself how you have you tried to keep ordinary out of your life? Do you pick your products, friends, houses or restaurants in the world of "only the best" for me. Do you find yourself crafting your next travel experience or night out imagining how great it will be and how others will respond to the story of it.
3. How do you fuel the drama in your life just to have something interesting to talk about? Do you have lots of crisis, illness, legal or family woes that keep the stories fresh and exciting in your world? Have you ever noticed the glue that these kinds of stories build with the players you share them with. What else would you talk about if not these wild tales?
4. Make a list of ordinary things and identify which ones are missing from your life that you would like. Are you missing things like stability, meaning and purpose in your life? Do you feel disconnected and want more out of life? It is ok to slow down and eat comfort food, own some bad news slippers and watch a movie instead of fuelling your own sense of self importance. Life doesn't need to be lived on full speed building the story.
5. Experiment with ordinary and notice your reaction to it. Did you love the home cooked meals your Mom used to make? Try eating some of those foods associated with great memories. Take the time to do absolutely nothing. Shop in a store you think is well beneath you and discover a new world of treasures or get to know people who are different from you. See what it feels like to live in a new landscape.
Getting unbusy on purpose has been a process. I'm here to share some of what I have learned and the tales of its making.
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