One day I realized part of my heart was broken. Some of the people I loved could not love me the way I wanted them to. Each day wishing and hoping they would show up how I thought they should. Each day breaking my heart more and more when they didn't. I didn't realize that I was creating my own heartbreak as each one of these players was teaching me that my story no longer held true.
I was alone in my heartache only for the few players who comiserated with me. My mind would churn imagining different outcomes. Ways to manipulate these situations. Who should appologize to whom and how each situation would unfold.
My mind was busy crafting a way out of these dramas only to fuel the next one. If only I could do something, say something, change something to make the aggravation in my heart go away.
One day I sat miserable alone in my room becoming more and more upset as each scenario lead to its own set of out comes that invariably would make things worse and me still trapped in these unending patterns. It felt like my own game of "whack a mole," as I could see solving one problem but having two more arise in its place.
For a brief moment, I caught myself and realized how crazy all of this was. Could it be possible that I was to do nothing? To sit in the stillness and let this pass. I realized each person would inevitably react in their traditional patterns. One victim, the other crusader, the other offended. Perhaps what I could do, was see this, step back and allow each player their reaction. To let them be. To not engage.
Needless to say, I was blown away at how this worked. First of all I couldn't believe that I had the ability to shut this kind of drama down in my head. But I did. I saw the truth in the situation and let it be. Like Byron Katie, author of Loving What Is, shares in her amazing experiences, the thoughts just let go of me. I stood there looking at all the familiar players and just let them be, and they let go of me. The "fixer" who is me, was finally at peace and the drama subsided. Like sitting in the middle of a circle with the strings of others attached to me, I just let them all go all at once. To let them be. In that moment I returned to calm.
i hope this can help others who get trapped in their own minds from time to time. We don't all live here all the time, but some of us visit this place a lot. Creating our own anxieties and depression. I am here to let you know there is a way out.
What if you could release your drama too?
1. Become aware of your thoughts. Start to listen to your mind and become aware of how many times per day you run the same upsetting thoughts through your mind.
2. Bring calm to your mind and know that what you are thinking is not of service to you. if your thoughts feel like they are on a runaway train stuck on loop, then you know these particular thoughts will not help you.
3. Become still. Find a quiet place to feel warm, comfortable and safe. Learn how to meditate and experience your thoughts passing through your mind.
4. Find the truth. What is really true about the situation you are in? Continue to ask yourself if what you are thinking is true. Can you really know for sure. (See Byron Katie's The Work).
5. Release. Not cut off, truncate or distance. Say a prayer for those that you are releasing and pray for their well being. Say "thank you for the lessons we have shared, but I now choose to release you."
CHECK OUT KIM"S ARTICLE IN THE NOV/DEC ISSUE OF ENERGY MAGAZINE.