I wonder if any of you feel anxiety during the holidays? I find myself still straddling the world between busy and unbusy. I am often re-learning the lessons I thought I had learned by heart.
This holiday, I feel such a strong tug to consume, contrasted by a desire to enjoy minimalism. Each time I head to the store, it is like my brain has been whiped and I end up spending more than I had planned. I return feeling stressed to imagine where all these new items will find a home in our house.
I am fuelled by my desire to nourish my children's enthusiasm to read and play, my desire to have my kids look good and to have a balanced amount of gifts under the tree. I join the mass consciousness of others parading down the isles of Walmart searching for that something special to make the giving requirements complete. Of course I have the essence of wanting to be generous and extend love to the people in my life, but I find myself confused as to how we got to this place of so many gifts.
We started out great with a conscious family decision to do a "Secret Santa" whereby each of us would pick one person to give a gift. My husband took this literally and adhered to the plan. I of course, thought the kids will do this and I will sprinkle more "Santa" gifts their way. Well, this has insighted a landslide of other gifts, to bulk up the unwrapping process, out of fear of not having enough.
I now use the excuse that I am working, I don't have as much time and have forgotten to seek out the places with less packaging, and less of an environmental footprint. Just because I am conscious of this, does not mean the unconscious behaviour has stopped. Relatively speaking, I think we have done ok, but it disturbs me how much mental conflict this creates in my mind.
One would argue to just observe and accept this barrage of thought and release it. They are just thoughts after all. Eckart Tolle would have me return to stillness to quench the essence, that in my absence, is tricking me to believe we need more.
One good step, if I am to give myself credit, is I have chosen a lot more consumeable gifts this year. Those that will be eaten, drunk, or bathed in. As I shed these old beliefs, it amazes me how slow the process can be sometimes. I am hopeful, that this slow shedding old beliefs will fuel lasting change. I did find the same when we changed our eating habits. It certainly was not an overnight thing. It took a series of small changes, awareness and time.
So if I am to send out a Christmas wish to all of you, it is to be gentle with yourself as you transform. Take time to find some silence and reconnect. But most of all, find joy in the moment. Merry Christmas.
Getting unbusy on purpose has been a process. I'm here to share some of what I have learned and the tales of its making.
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